The Beginning
My husband and I had been childhood friends. We were around 15 or 16 then, still in high school and actively involved in church: Youth Camps, Youth Groups, music and dance, you name it. I can't say I felt anything for him then, but he always made laugh, and he had a certain charisma that people naturally gravitate towards him. He had a passion for playing guitar, and I absolutely loved his voice. But one thing was for sure, he was definitely a playboy, and I knew what to do with those types. Ignore them, right? Well, that was possible until college came.
I had to move to Diliman campus since Cavite was such a long way to travel every day. I don't remember exactly how it happened but one day we were already texting each other and making 20 missed calls everyday (That was sweet back then). He didn't have a girlfriend that time, and I was wary about the subtle messages in his texts, knowing for sure what would happen next. Long story short, he won me out in the end, going all the way to Diliman to visit me, proving his sincerity and looks like he was seriously committed for the first time. I mean, he was serious with other girls before, but I was surprised that he went against all the "bad boy" ideas I had about him. I gave him A Walk to Remember for Christmas that year, and when he read the book, he thinks I’m like Jamie since I’m sweet and innocent (hehe) and a pastor’s kid. He is so typically like Landon, he was the funny, laidback, not a care to the world type of guy. I, on the other hand, was the total opposite: wants everything organized and planned a year ahead, loves writing and creative. We always argued, but I was the yin to his yang. Long story short, we were inseparable afterwards.
The Married Life
However , it doesn’t always work out like in the books, as
everyone knows. I got pregnant at 19, married and gave birth at 20. Of course this was not in the plan. But I was able to finish my studies in college, and I did this all while working. It goes to show that when you want something at the wrong time, God's plan for your life may not be how you dreamed it would be.
Everyone says people who marry young would have a greater porobability of splitting up. But with Homer and I, we felt like us versus the world. We were going to overcome anything. For a while, it seemed that way.
Reality Bites
Everyone says people who marry young would have a greater porobability of splitting up. But with Homer and I, we felt like us versus the world. We were going to overcome anything. For a while, it seemed that way.
Reality Bites
The real story began on 2010. We were happily married for 6
years, or so I thought. We were earning well in our call center jobs. We had a handsome 6 year old son
Then, my husband had an affair.
I don't know words to describe the pain and agony I went through. If you had never experienced it, you would simply never grasp the depth of betrayal. I didn't want to stay and be miserable. I only wanted to move back to my parents house and raise my son as a single mom. Anyway that wasn't uncommon these days. There were lots of single moms in the call centers I worked. But in my heart I know God wanted me to be the better person.
So I stayed. But not without a turmoil of emotions each and every day.
I lashed out, I was enraged, I went into detective mode, I ignored him, pleaded and attempted to move out many times. Nothing worked. I felt disappointed how God could have let such a tragedy happen to me. I had developed a deep mistrust on my husband, and had a negative view of all relationships after the incident. I became almost cynical and thought all marriages were headed that way. Somehow I thought that all Christians have some sort of immunity against affairs, that they have an edge somehow because they know the Bible. That if angels can protect us against harm, surely God will be able to prevent infidelity!
Healing
Then, my husband had an affair.
I don't know words to describe the pain and agony I went through. If you had never experienced it, you would simply never grasp the depth of betrayal. I didn't want to stay and be miserable. I only wanted to move back to my parents house and raise my son as a single mom. Anyway that wasn't uncommon these days. There were lots of single moms in the call centers I worked. But in my heart I know God wanted me to be the better person.
So I stayed. But not without a turmoil of emotions each and every day.
I lashed out, I was enraged, I went into detective mode, I ignored him, pleaded and attempted to move out many times. Nothing worked. I felt disappointed how God could have let such a tragedy happen to me. I had developed a deep mistrust on my husband, and had a negative view of all relationships after the incident. I became almost cynical and thought all marriages were headed that way. Somehow I thought that all Christians have some sort of immunity against affairs, that they have an edge somehow because they know the Bible. That if angels can protect us against harm, surely God will be able to prevent infidelity!
Healing
God didn't say, though, that we would not have trials and persecutions in this world. But I just wish it didn't have to come in the form of a third party. I could withstand anything- financial problems, health problems, work problems. But the enemy knew my weakest area: marriage.
So where am I right now? I'm on the path of forgiveness and healing. This is honestly one of the things that is very hard for me to forgive, and to let go. But the lessons I pick up along the way are invaluable. The realization hit me that I needed God more than ever, not just when things were going downhill, but all the time.
I was humbled by this experience. I am continually reminded of
the purpose of the cross and the reason He died for us. I can’t demand that my
husband pay for his sins. Even I fall short every day, but His Grace is
sufficient for everyone. The truth is, I wouldn’t have gotten as close to God
as I am now if this didn’t happen. There’s nowhere else to turn to except God.
The pain, the trials, and the unspeakable despair are all for my maturity and
make me who I am now. I am stronger because of it.
James 1:2-4
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Recently the girl who shall not be named made an attempt to destroy our marriage when she thought that we were on the rocks. She attempted to email me and my father pictures of herself and my husband which were from years ago and not relevant to the present. Those pictures, at first, brought me intense pain and anger. But my husband once again went on his knees for forgiveness and wants me to understand it was history. I must accept it as such and never bring it up again. I know it was a direct attack to my faith and my marriage, and I would not allow the enemy to win,
I am writing this blog to encourage and empower women who have been damaged, hurt, lied to by their husbands. It's possible to heal, to be whole and even reconciled again to our husbands. I am a living testimony of that. And I will not stop sharing how God worked in my life, even if I have to start with the ugly, bad and painful story first, because until this story happened I would not be able to speak of the glory of God afterwards.
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