Valentine Challenge Week 2

The Valentine Challenge this week is:

Week 2 Challenge – This week we will be a little more creative with our praise.

I can say I am creative, but found some of my creative juices being drained after getting married. Sigh. But in the spirit of this challenge I thought of writing a note with lipstick on our bathroom wall today, right before my husband goes with my son to their school field trip. I can't wait to see his reaction when I get home. 

Now that I think about it, I should actually express my creativity more now that I'm married. I used to pride myself with colorful planners, scrapbooks, and my husband would get a card from me every month for celebrating our monthsary! I store them in one box and we would laugh at them together when we read them. Or just get nostalgic reading them alone. 

This year, I'd like to have a family picture framed in our wall and also come up with a little scrapbook for my husband on how far we've actually gone. It would be a great momento for my son to read when he grows up, too. Instead of the pictures just wasting away and getting musty, I'd be collatiing the memorable ones and come up with our love story scrapbook-style. I love it already.

Why God Doesn't Listen

Malachi 2:13-16

New International Version (NIV)

¹³ Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. ¹⁴ You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

We studied this in our Bible study today, about how marriage is a covenant between God and the husband and wife. If we break our vows with our spouse, we directly break our covenant with God as well. But you can be sure that the spouse who broke faith will not be heard by God. He may "flood the Lord's altar with tears" but his cries will be unheeded.

I always wondered how God will take revenge on wives who have been left or hurt by their spouses. Would we always be silent and meek? Would we never have justice? I think this is one way God will have His revenge: 

John 7:34

English Standard Version (ESV)

³⁴ You will seek me and you will not find me. Where I am you cannot come.”

I am thankful my husband came with me to this Bible study, and I think this has only been the second Bible study we had every gone to together. I pray that we continue to seek God and be hungry for His word. I am as accountable to my own walk with God as he is. Please keep my husband in your hands and always keep our marriage strong and founded in You.

And did I mention my husband offered to clean the house tomorrow? He really is such a sweetheart.  

Answer to Prayer

It's only Week 1 of “Be My Valentine” Marriage Challenge,  but I already feel so thankful for how God works in our marriage! Our challenge this week is to look for ways to praise and uplift our husbands in any way we can - via facebook, email, SMS, phone call or in person. I prefer the face-to-face communication though, and will be doinf that as soon as I get home since posting in his Facebook wall or emailing him would be pretty funny considering I see him everyday.

Yesterday was Sunday, and my husband surprised me by going to church with us again after two long years. It nearly brought me to tears since my prayer everyday was that he would be reconciled back to God. I used to sit only with my son at the church and felt a little... ashamed, because we used to serve as musicians at church and now I couldn't face them because of issues with my husband. Nevertheless, I continued going to church even by myself. But last Sunday I told him, I'll go ahead to church and you can come right after work (He leaves work at 10am from the night shift). And he actually did, even though I know his apprehensions and fears to face the past and the mistakes he made before.

I think our dear church members were even happier for him than I was, and everyone who missed him was so overjoyed. What I cannot forget was when we presented our papers in front, when mt husband flashed the words "Lost" and now "Found by God," I thought I would break down and cry right there as Bro Ace gave him a long, warm hug. I feel so blessed. I didn't have to wait 27 years for an answer to prayer, after all. Thank God I didn't insist on dealing with this my own way. God will work in His own way and in His perfect time. And thank you for giving me a husband who is willing to humble himself and return back to the arms of his Father.

Luke 15:24

For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.

Valentine Challenge

I guess I won't have to wait til I receive the Love Dare book to start a Valentine Challenge! Thanks to Courtney of Womenlivingwell to start this campaign as early as now. What a way to start the year! Week 1 starts Monday next week already, so stay posted. 

No Ordinary Marriage

"What most couples don’t realize is that we don’t train for the first ten miles of marriage; we train for the last three. Seemingly without warning, many marriages fall down in the middle of the race. Marriages that seemed fine a few months or years earlier fall victim to the grueling difficulty of the marathon. Couples who had every intention of finishing their race together either run at  different paces or quit altogether.


The way to an ordinary marriage is the path of least resistance. If you want an extraordinary marriage, you will have to choose it."

These are from the book Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn't Good Enough by Justin & Trisha Davis. I want to buy it already! Sigh... At this point I know I want...no, I CHOOSE an extraordinary marriage for us. So I really am hoping to absorb everything I can on how to have not just a good, but the best marriage I can have.

I already outline the books I wanted to buy in my wishlist, and I'm definitely adding this one. (24 items and counting!) I asked my hubby yet if I could buy the Kindle, but he wants me to wait a little longer. So maybe for now I'm just going to order The Love Dare by Alex Kendrick as I wanted to do the 40-day challenge which was featured in Fireproof. And Unglued Devotional: 60 Days of Imperfect Progress by Lysa TerKeurst since I prefer my devotionals in paper instead of the electronic copy. So, wish me luck. I'm going to call Johnny Air later.

Powerful prayer

James 5:16

.... The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me peace the last few days.

Thank you for the ways you move in our lives that show you really are in control and have wonderful plans for us.

Thank you for my parents' intervention in our problems.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Victory

Read this somewhere in girltalk forum:


"You've got to shake yourself out of that VICTIM mentality and start having a VICTORY mentality. This is a new day. Your future can start right now. It doesn't matter what you've been through, or how they treated you; GOD wants to turn all that around."

I'm excited with how God will work in my life. I'm ready to start my future now. Move forward na tayo....

An Affair was the Best Thing that Happened to me

I saw the book entitled above at Amazon.com and I can't help but wonder, maybe there's some truth to that, but the best thing that ever happened?? I sometimes think she may have lost her mind.

I already shared My story last month here in my blog, maybe a bit hesitantly. But I won't regret sharing that my husband's affair had been a part of my life, something that made me stronger, that made this marriage what it is now. Thank you, You-know-who-you-are, because of your "concern" for us, that we truly realize that we need to work harder to make this marriage work. As the song by Lifehouse goes, "I'll keep us together, whatever it takes."

Today my husband told my father he was sorry. And of course he told me many, many times how sorry he was for not thinking. He was stupid to have befriended a girl at the office like that. He never thought the girl would think of it as something more, but she was still pining for him after 2 very long years. More like stalking.

But it's all good. All three of us had a good talk today, so we're on the way to having closer ties with my side of the family, and we're committing to have a sort of Bible study/marriage counseling every Tuesday. Like I told my hubby, Failure is not an option. We will keep working on it. We will keep praying to keep the enemy at bay, to resist temptation and to keep reading his Word. Thank you, Lord for seeing my plight and having mercy on me. You made this happen so that your name will be glorified above all.

But please, do yourself a favor and get out of our lives and have your own.

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Summary

At this point I figured I will just summarize what I've learned about the next few topics, which are about Extending Love to Family, Tending your Career, Making Time for Fun, Serving the Lord and Reaching out to Others. This book may be about becoming a better wife and having a better marriage, but what struck me was how I needed to be closer to God first and foremost, and everything will follow. I also needed to see that there are other relationships I have neglected, like those with my son, parents, and other people in my life. Having a wonderful marriage is important, but it's not everything. I almost let my whole world  revolve around it, on the perfect ideal of what a marriage should be like, and I even feel depressed when my marriage is not like how I envision it would be.

So from here on out I promise to work on the following things:

1. Read the Bible everyday.
2. Pray for my husband everyday.
3. Always show respect in words and deeds.
4. Change my speech.
5. Seek advice from older women.
6. Keep teaching Bible stories to my son.
7. Always be on the lookout on how to improve our home.
8. Make a weekly meal menu.
9. Budget for family get togethers.
10. Plan weekly dates.
11. Plan anniversaries.
12. Choose a couple hobby, like a sport or a class together.
13. Serve at church.
14. Reach out to neighbors.
15. Join a womens' Bible study.
16. Create a prayer notebook.

The last item, create a prayer notebook, is probably the most important idea I got from this book. It wasn't suggested, but of course, being a stickler for lists and pen and paper, I want to write down my prayer requests, my wishes, my problems, and lift it all up to God. Instead of worrying uselessly, or wasting time playing Smurf in my ipod, or facebooking, here's one thing I know will bring me peace. I asked God for peace of mind this 2013. He asks me to list it down, talk to him, and he will give me exactly that.

Matthew 7:7-8

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 7

On Raising My Children

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.



This verse struck me most in this chapter, and the author says that as a mom, I must be there at home to actually be able to do that.

I must also be aware of the child's developments, tendencies, shortcomings and strengths, not to mention how he or she spend time...and with whom.

I was brought up in a God-fearing home, and I loved that about my parents. I wanted my son to have that kind of childhood as well. I wanted to able to impart what I learned, and to teach him myself those Bible stories I know by heart. Sometimes I feel discouraged because of my demanding job, and by the time I get home I don't have much energy left to do other stuff. 

But one thing I'm determined to continue is to "Have a daily Bible time with Mom" as the author suggested. I've started that since he was a baby, when my father gave him a Bible storybook.  I bought him a new one that would suited for his age. And I am determined to continue bringing him to church, even when sometimes I and my son just go by ourselves. But recently my husband promised to go with us now as a family. So that's one thing I'm happy about.

While reading to my son about the story of Joseph, though, I felt God was speaking to me more than to my son. Joseph was only 17 when he was sold to traders in Egypt, and he was already 30 when he faced Pharaoh and interpreted his dreams. That's 13 long years of waiting and wondering, does God still remember me? But God used even the worst situations for His greater purpose and glory.

This year I will commit and bring my son and nephew closer to God.

About Revenge

What do you when you are wronged? Honestly, I have never been the type to be involved in fights, arguments, and disagreements. My zodiac is Libra, which is a peacemaker and always seeks harmony but when challenged, my emotions can really burst. But me? I just usually stay quiet, even too quiet sometimes it's scary.

I have laid it all down to God and have cried it all out to Him. I have been holding on to a lot of His promises, like "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deuteronomy 31: 8 and No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. from Psalm 25:3. 

It's hard to be still and be calm, but I know the Lord is shaping my character and strengthening me silently. I know who I am, I know my worth and I know the people who truly love me. So whatever God wants me to learn, and to do this year, I'm willing. God will fight for me, he will see to it that all the wrongs will be made right, and someday there will be a reward. There will be judgment, too.

Been meditating about this post from Trusting through Treacherous Times:

"It means turning all sense of personal revenge over to the King of Justice. We are to wait upon God to rightly deal with this situation. We quickly confess we do not have the answers. We do not know how to deal with the wicked. We are too personally grieved to rightly handle it. But this does not mean there is nothing to deal with. Any such great violation will demand moral satisfaction. Only God can deal with this."

Romans 12:19 ESV

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

What I Choose

Love the quote above from tolovehonorandvaccuum.

Also shared these with hubby yesterday and he agreed that:

• We will never mention divorce.

• We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

• We will never fight in public or in front of our children.

• We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.

• We will never touch one another in a harmful way.

• We will never go to bed angry with one another.

• Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

It may be hard, but everyday I will do what it takes to be a wife after God's own heart.

Living well is the best revenge

- George Herbert

Psalm 40: 14-16

¹⁴ May all who want to take my life
    be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
    be turned back in disgrace.
¹⁵ May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
    be appalled at their own shame.
¹⁶ But may all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
    “The Lord is great!”

PS. Thank you for the trials because it did nothing but strengthen our marriage. You use the worse for good.

Stalker Strikes Again

Remember my post when last Dec 17 I received an SMS from a depraved stalker who doesn't seem to have anything else to do except to ruin my relationship with my husband? And it couldn't have come at a better timing --my son was hospitalized that day, stresses were at an all-time high, and I couldn't think straight. But all that has been solved by simply changing my number and forgetting it as a horrible nightmare. We avoid her at all costs and call her She-Who-Shall-not-Be-Named, and we  thought she would get tired soon.

And now, it seems she is enraged to have discovered that my hubby and I are stronger than ever. She seems to have found out I have deactivated my facebook account. Today she sent me an email with pictures of hubby's team building where she even cc'd my dad. I have to commend her on her research, she knows her stuff. But dear, it's not even funny now. So I guess if you really are serious about ruining my life, you have to try harder. Because you know what? I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU. My husband is transparent with me, tells me everything, and most importantly, loves me and my son. I would forgive you if you were sorry, but just keep on reading my blog and maybe you can learn a thing or two about my faith. You can break me, but not my faith in God, and hell not this marriage.

Happy to know I have a fan in this blog, though.

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 6

This is about "Keeping up the Home"

Ahhhh... now here's a topic I really wanted to get more out of. This is more of the Proverbs 31 wife, which describes how a wife should be. Of course, everyone knows that a wife should look over and take care of the way things are run at home, but as a working wife, I do find myself falling short on this department. I wanted to skip to Chapter 9 hehe which is for the working women out there. But of course my heart and my priorities will always be on how to make my home clean and inviting and always filled with love.

I wanted to emphasize the part where the authors describes what a wife should not be. In Proverbs 7:11-12 it says the adulteress is always "out there," walking the streets, instead of being at home. This brings to mind various thoughts. 

Now I got married at 20, at the brink of youth, and didn't even get to experience much travelling, work, and haven't been to any of those bars or what have you. As a young mom, sometimes I was envious of those who were able to go out with their friends and go out for a drink. Most single moms working in call centers act like having a kid did not even affect the way they live. They still go on parties, team buildings, outings and other events. That isn't to say it's wrong to go out with friends, but now I understand why my heart is always heavy when I have to be away from my kid, and that is because I know I should be at home. I should be productive at home, managing it, improving it, making it nice and presentable.

Other wives, on the other hand, also have the supermom syndrome (which I think I have), where they try to do everything at once and please everyone in the family. I work, I do the errands and supervise my son's school and still have to tend to stuff at home. Sigh, just writing about it makes me tired. However, we don't have to be the perfect housewife. I think simply being there there for your son is more important, although a little help on the organization department is desperately needed.

(And by the way, I added Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae in my Amazon wish list since this seems like the perfect book for this topic right now. A breather? Oh definitely a must buy. Thanks to Courtney for suggesting and featuring this book in her site, Women Living Well.)

With that, we as mothers and wives shouldn't have excuses like being too tired, or that we're a working mom -- it's still important to keep the house a home.

Here's the little things that I already love to do:

1. Make the beds daily. But of course!
2. Make a daily to-do list. 
3. Make a weekly meal menu.
4. Do one thing you've been putting off. Hmmmm...
5. Keep a daily log of time spent on your housework.
6. Work on your attitude (heartily and willingly) 
7. Work on growing.

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 5

This chapter is about Managing Your Money. Ahhh.. now that's I can say is something more of my forte. My husband entrusts the budget wholly to me, and I spend and allot it as I see fit. I do consult him on it of course, but the execution part would all be me.

Generally, I don't have any problem in this department, as I am the type who is enthusiastic about budgets, lists and anything to do with money, but I do know I have to work on the tithing and savings part.

And my husband do have a lot to say on the savings part since I keep telling him we can save 40% of our income each month, and realistically I haven't started on that. I always find a way to spend it somewhere like credit card bills or medicine or emergency expenses. But there should be no excuse not to start our savings account the first quarter of this year, and we plan to open a UITF account so we can't touch it.

And tithing, of course, is something I also need to master the art of, since it has been a challenge to me since Day one. It would be best if I would prioritize tithing at the top of my budget list, savings second, so I can just work with what's left. Anyway, what's important is to be content with what you have.


Malachi 3:10

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.


The little things I can work on are:
1. Honor your husband's direction. Check!
2. Create a budget. Check!
3. Help out with managing the finances. Check! Check check check!
4. Set up a financial center. Check!
5. Give to God's purposes. To do
6. Keep a list of the things you want or need. Check!
7. Set up a savings plan. To do

I'd just like to share, that over the weekend my husband was in a motorcycle accident with a biker. So we headed over to the hospital emergency and wasn't able to go to church as planned. But of course I'm soooooo grateful and thankful that he just got a few bruises and some shoulder pain (but no broken bones, as per the xray). Although I have been so tired over the weekend, I didn't feel distressed or worried at all, and my relationship with my husband is in the improving side. Thank God for the trials and blessings, and I have more reasons to be thankful for this year. 

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 4

Chapter 4 : Enjoying Intimacy

I usually don't have much problems in this area, so I won't delve into it much deeply. And I wish the book also tackled issues at length, but with only 219 pages it leaves much to be discussed. So I plan to buy one marriage book a month and review it here in my blog. 

Anyways, in the Philippines, sex is not usually something couples talk about in groups except in the locker room or in green jokes. Our marriage was even a result of unexpected pregnancy, but God had honored our vows and kept us together til now. So I guess the challenge here is:

1. Schedule sex. We both work in an almost graveyard shift (think 2am) so it's quite difficult to have enough sleep, time and energy to work it out on our schedule. Of course it's been neglected lately, but it's something I think we should prioritize this year.
2. Talk about sex with your husband. 
3. Take time to prepare for sex.
4. Try to go to bed at the same time.
5. Tackle the excuse of being too tired.
6. Take care of yourself.
7. Take a short trip together.

All "little things" from 1 to 6 more or less goes together, and a little talk and scheduling  will be in order pretty soon. I hope to push through with our Retrouvaille session at the end of this month, which is for troubled marriages. 

But so far, so good. Yesterday when my husband went home I prepared a meal (even though I just got home myself) and let him tell me about his day. I'm glad he vented out to me about his work problems. I feel he is slowly warming up and relaxed when he's with me. Any improvement is better than none, right? And I like myself myself better this way too. So here's to hoping this year is a little better for us wives as we try to discern how God wants us to be better at home.

Saving A Dead Marriage

Should you still save your marriage? 

There are many countless reasons wives think it's not worth staying in the marriage anymore. Infidelity is one big reason. Others may cite unmet needs, husband works too much, he treats me like a househelp help, we have no respect for each other. Of course those are valid concerns. 

But the turning point is, would you still decide to try to save what seems to be a lifeless and broken marriage and say this is worth one more chance? Is it worth it?  

Honestly I've been in that situation, where it's just easier to rid yourself of all responsibility and throw in the towel. After all, he doesn't change. He doesn't seem to be sorry for what he's done. He doesn't put in as uch work on this relationship as I do. Why should I be a martyr and carry all the work in this marriage?

If you have watched Fireproof, a movie that portrays a husband trying to win the heart of his wife again after she intends to file for divorce, you know the message I'm trying to get across. The movie may sound cheesy to some, and maybe naive in some parts. But the point is this: That the marriage is a perfect symbol of God's love for us at the cross. We try to spurn his efforts and we reject him.But he chases us unceasingly. He loves us that much.

We were dead and hopeless ourselves. As sinners, we were sentenced to a life apart from God, and to be punished for our sins. What if God gave up on his 16th attempt to win us over and says, No, you've done enough wrong. You're a lost cause. Then where would we be? But thankfully, that will never be the case. God pursues us all the time, he looks past what we were and stakes his life on what we can become.

The same thing goes with my husband. I feel so humbled that God is gracious with me and my past, that I can't help but forgive, and forgive and forgive again. Who are we to say that we cannot forgive our spouses? If I would have to work on my marriage for 39 years for us to have a better marriage, I would do it without regret. Because that is the kind of love God wants me to have - without conditions. Nothing like, "If you do this, then I will change. If you're like that then I'll be like this." I married this man for life, and I will honor God with my promise until I face Him again one day, and I hope I hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Romans 6:11

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:1

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins.

Colossians 2:13

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins.

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 3

I've been taking my time before proceeding writing about the next chapter because I really want to digest the first 2 things that really matter in marriage: Your heart with God and your communication with your spouse. So I focused on applying at least 2 small things from each chapter, that is to read at least a chapter of my Bible everyday, and to pray for my husband going to work, at lunch, and on the way home. It was a struggle at first because I was used to worrying, but I quickly learned to transition to lift my thoughts and concerns to the Lord. And yesterday going home I felt a sort of peace. I just felt really calm and serene, something I haven't experienced in a while. 

And of course I also practiced keeping my mouth shut, speaking graciously and appreciating things he does, like cooking for us again yesterday. It really didn't much effort to show respect for your husband, but it took a lot of effort to really be quiet and listen to him first before I tell him about my day. But slowly, I see some small changes. Positive reactions. So, I'm going to keep this up.

Chapter 3: Learning to Communicate

As a wife, our words should be ...sweet...soft....suitable...scant....slow.

I don't want to sound like a constant dripping of water at home, which is the result of a contentious wife.

So I looked up Merriam to see what contentious means:

: likely to cause disagreement or argument 

: exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and dispute.

Uh oh. Seems like a major overhaul is in order. So I would be practicing the art of silence. Since it says in

Proverbs 10:19 Sin is not ended by multiplying words but the prudent hold their tongues.

It seems so sad that I'm a speech communication major but I fail so drastically in communicating with my spouse. They certainly teach you what to say in schools, but not what NOT to say. 

The author suggested to Take it to the Lord in prayer like what Hannah did. No matter what I'm bitterness or trials I am going through, I want God to know everything. Actually, that's why David is also called A Man after God's own heart, because he was also so close and personal with the Lord that he bared all his emotions to God. 

The second suggestion is to Make a decision to "cut it out". Cut out the wrong, unproductive, destructive and negative thoughts and replace with noble ones. This is so in line with my new life verse. So whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

This new year, a lot of people may have vowed to make changes and resolutions. What is reality is that change doesn't happen when the clock strikes 12, it doesn't happen to you. It happens over a long period of time, of deciding to adjust and readjust, commit and recommit. I admit I myself find it hard to stick to something. I'm a fan of starting out strong but fail to see it through. I hope with the positive effects I am seeing with the relationship with my husband I can be inspired to continue and inspire others as well. 

I hope I get to review one book about marriage as well each month this year, along with my other goals for 2013. And with that I pray that my blog would light a hope for women who want to save their marriage, or who thought it was already dead. I thought mine was, but in between the ups and down and going through this journey is actually worth saving.