A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Review of A Wife After God's Own Heart: Working as A Team

Ecclesiastes 4:9 

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor

This chapter goes back to the basics of marriage. What does the Bible say about marriage and the roles of a husband and wife?

The author highlights these verses:

1. The husband is to lead in his marriage and family.
Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

2. A husband is to work and to provide for his family
Genesis 3:19
By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.

3 A husband is to love his wife.
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Ephesians 5:28
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
4. A wife is to help her husband.
Genesis 2:18
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
5. A wife is to submit to her husband.
Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

6. A wife is to respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

7. A wife is to love her husband.
Titus 2:4
Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.

Here are my takeaways for this chapter:

...These wives may assume a "when...then" attitude. In their hearts, they say, "When he does this or that, then I'll do this or that." They postpone obedience to their roles as wives and make it conditional to that of their husbands'.

W - warm up his life with your love

I - improve his life as a helper

F - follow his leadership with a willing heart

E - esteem him highly with utmost respect

Out of the four areas, I think I should work on building and earning respect from my husband. Recently I've failed in this area when invading his privacy or doubting his love for me.Sometimes I decide on things regarding our son without consulting him first. No matter what the excuse, I should let him lead me and work together as a team. Also, when he acts disrespectful or harsh to me, I feel like acting the same way as well. I can clearly control my reaction even though it's soooo hard. Instead of thinking of his negative traits, I should look and appreciate his good ones.

What if I'm married to a man who is not a Christian?

Your assignment from God is to love, follow, assist, and minister to your non-Christian husband while living in a Christlike manner before his eyes.

Little Things:

1. Thank your husband for living out his roles.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. And he's actually the one who will do the cooking for us since I have to go to work early on New Year's Eve. (Sigh) Can't help it in the call center industry. But I really want to show him how thankful I am for his willingness to cook, even though that should be a wife's job! I mean, he knows I can't cook anything more grand than spaghetti and macaroni, but small tokens like that really makes me melt.

2. Ask your husband how you can help.

Of course, I won't just stand by without offering my help, and not just on this occasion. As a working wife, it really is a challenge to even offer your time and energy when you're so swamped with everything else already - house chores, my son's studies, church, groceries. But I have to make sure I don't neglect my priority, which is to honor and help my husband.

3. Show greater respect for your husband. Amen.That's number one on my agenda this year. That includes consulting him with every decision, big or small. And resisting the urge to even look at his stuff. And just shutting my mouth even when he says hurtful things.

I love the tips this Christian blogger gave on how to respect your husband. See article here.

4. Think of a way the two of you can have fun this week. I make sure we have a date every day on his rest day. So that one's set for this coming Wednesday.

5. Pray to follow God's plan for a wife.

6. Seek out another woman as a mentor.

I'm glad I have many Christian friends I can go to as a mentor. They were there for me during the difficult times during the crisis on our marriage (see My Story). But the important thing is, they don't judge, criticize you or tell you to give up on their marriage. These days the popular advice is to give up when you're no longer happy, when it's not working anymore, or when you just can't take it anymore. I wonder how many marriages would last with that thinking.

So anyway, I should drop by one their houses soon, so I can greet them a Happy New Year as well.

So far, I'm happy I picked up this book. I see it as a divine intervention and gift from God. I'm excited to see God's work in the upcoming year!

A Wife After God's Own Heart

I was supposed to pick up a different book by Darlene Sala today but it was not in stock, but this one caught my eye immediately. A Wife After God's Own Heart (12 Things that Really Matter in Marriage) by Elizabeth George was like an answer to prayer that I badly needed at this time.

So I thought I would make a review for each chapter and to share my own experience in applying the principles I learn from it.

Chapter 1 : Growing in the Lord

Matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

This is the key verse for this chapter in which the author shared that we have to put first things first. When we seek God first in our lives, everything else falls into place. Ouch for me, I needed to hear that.


So how do we know that we are growing in our faith and we are seeking his kingdom and righteousness? 

The author outlines 3 steps:

1 - Discover through reading the Bible what God wants us to do and how he wants us to lead our lives.
2 - Discern the meaning and implications of what you are reading in His Word
3 - Do what you have learned, discovered and discerned

And the best thing about it is that the end result is "a gentle and quiet spirit" and we will be able to bring honor to God through our lives.


I was excited about the part where it says it will also change your relationship with your husband. I almost laughed when I read "He will be more relaxed...instead of waiting for the next blow-up or attack." I definitely need more patience and grace in this relationship. I feel sometimes that there's a time bomb just waiting to explode sometimes. I don't handle outbursts quite well, unfortunately. when I feel something so strongly I HAD to say it. So, let's see how that changes for me.

What I love about this book is at the end of each chapter are "little things" that you can do to apply what you've learned. 

"Little Things"

• Plan to read the Bible everyday. Even a chapter a day would do. Sigh, I even have a reading plan on my ipod but unfortunately I wasn't so consistent with that. But this seems more attainable. 
• Pray for your husband 3x a day. Just like eating and brushing your teeth, it has to be part of your habit. I can't wait already. 
• Plan to go to church this week. Well, of course I go to church every week. A while ago one of my close friends asked if we could actually go with her to church at VCF in Festival Alabang since she felt it would help if she went with friends. I've only been there once since we actually go to Church of God in Imus or Las Piñas, but I feel this is a good move to go with my girlfriends, since I couldn't persuade my husband most of the time to go with me.
• Sign up for a Bible class or Bible study. That should be available in the VCF activities, I'm sure. We'll check it out once we go there.
• Purchase or borrow a Christian book on any topic. I have a loooong wish list already of books I wanna buy in Amazon. You can take a look here at my Amazon wishlist.
• Write a letter of commitment to God. Make a decision to grow into the woman or wife God wants you to be - and that is a woman after God's own heart. Though asking for a great marriage may be farfetched right now, I am determined to make that step closer to God. 

My letter of commitment:

I commit to start the year right with You, and to do things right starting with myself. I know it's not my marriage You want to change, but myself. You want me to go back to my first love, to the fire I once had as a youth. I am determined to read Your Word everyday and start praying more than worrying. Change me and give me a new heart, and I will choose to live each day for You. 

Devotions | Proverbs 31 Ministries

Devotions | Proverbs 31 Ministries

I'd like to share this devotion since I was encouraged just when I needed it most. I couldn't agree more with the author that it's easier to choose the path that seems most convenient at the moment. It's harder to work through the kinks and sit down and really figure out the problem. 

Enjoy reading!

My Life Verse

Contrary to what I said to my previous post, I will not let my Dear John go. Hay....That's what makes marriage so hard. One minute you're so sure of what you think you want, but you find out you can still hang in there for another chance. Anyway one of the things I really want to change next year is my outlook. I can't always doubt my husband or be suspicious all the time. I'm tired of being in detective mode, anyway. So instead of worrying about him, I will focus on how I can be a better wife and meditate on my new life verse:

Philippians 4:6-9

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

So no matter what circumstance I'm in, I'm not going to worry. No matter who my enemy is, I won't take revenge. I will focus on whatever is going to have a positive result. Later I'm going to have to make concrete plans on how I can be a better wife and person overall. Being thankful instead of bitter also helps to change my thinking. 

One thing's for sure, though. I won't give up that easily on this marriage.

Dear John Quotes

A friend gifted me a Nicholas Sparks book for Christmas, and being the sappy, mushy person I am, ate it all up. Be warned, though, this does not have a happy ending. It's more darn realistic than any Fifty Shades book (more on that on another post). 

So for those who love Nicholas Sparks books, this is a must read and wasn't bad compared to the movie too. It helped that Channing Tatum was in it, yeah.

Here are some quotes I love:

“I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” 

“You're a hero and a gentleman, you're kind and honest, but more than that, you're the first man I ever truly loved. And no matter what the future brings, you always will be, and I know that my life is better for it.”

“When I think of you and me and what we shared, I know it would be easy for others to dismiss our time together as simply a by-product of the days and nights we spent by the sea, a "fling" that, in the long run, would mean absolutely nothing. Thats why I don't tell people about us. They wouldn't understand, and I don't feel the need to explain, simply becasue I know in my heart how real it was... how real this is. When I think of you I cant help smiling, knowing that you've completed me somehow. I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that you'll take me in your arms again."

“Love should bring joy, it should grant a person peace, but here and not, it was bringing only pain.” 

To my dear John, I need to make this painful choice because I think I need to heal by myself. The last line speaks for itself. I need time to think, to discover me again, and just be free. With time and distance, I will forget the bad memories. But when we meet again I hope we have a better chance of working things out.

Broken

Broken. Damaged. Healing.




Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.


Lord Jesus, I love you, thank you for bearing my burden on the cross. I ask that you take these inner hurts, painful memories, and emotional wounds from me right now. I submit them to you, and accept your peace in place of those things which I am giving up.

The P124 Bill

Okay, let's move on from the negative vibes from last post becuase I have so much to be thankful for today.

Thank you so much for letting me have a semi-vacation that I badly needed. Although it didn't have to be in the form of a hospital stay, but it was still a breather somewhat. I was worried about expenses, since 3 years ago our hospital bill was nerve-wracking. But our 5-day hospital stay cost a measly Php 124, and everything else was covered by our Intellicare card. I am just amazed and speechless how God works for the good of those who love Him.


All of my days
I will sing of Your greatness
All of my days 
I will speak of Your grace
All of my days 
I will tell of Your wondrous love
Your love in my life

-Hillsong

An Open Letter to my Stalker

I don't know where else to write. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you or exchange vile replies via text. But thank you for making me feel that my marriage is worth fighting for, because no matter what lies you come up with up, what matters is that I and my husband are still together. 

I really feel bad that you have to stalk me like this, hindi naman ako artista. Should I feel honored? Actually, I'm disgusted at your lowly tactics. You sound so desperate that you don't even have any self-worth and dignity left. I hope for your sake you will move on from your delusions of having a married man for yourself because you can never find someone to fall in love with that way. 

Someday I will find it in my heart to forgive, but not now, when the wound you inflicted two years ago has not even healed yet and you want to scrape it anew. You will understand it yourself when you get married. More often that not, there's always consequences for the actions you do now. But that is not for me to judge.

But you know, even if you planted evil, I will not return your bad deeds. As Exodus 14:14 says, The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. I have anchored my life and my trust in God; I will never be shaken. Why should I be afraid? Thanks to you, my faith increased, my walk with God is closer, and my marriage stronger than before. I really hope you read this. As for me, I will only think of positive and uplifting thoughts and I claim 2013 to be a year of peace for me. 

Psalm 35

¹ Contend, Lord, with those who contend with me;
    fight against those who fight against me.
² Take up shield and armor;
    arise and come to my aid.
³ Brandish spear and javelin
    against those who pursue me.
Say to me,
    “I am your salvation.”

⁴ May those who seek my life
    be disgraced and put to shame;
may those who plot my ruin
    be turned back in dismay.
⁵ May they be like chaff before the wind,
    with the angel of the Lord driving them away;
⁶ may their path be dark and slippery,
    with the angel of the Lord pursuing them.

⁷ Since they hid their net for me without cause
    and without cause dug a pit for me,
⁸ may ruin overtake them by surprise—
    may the net they hid entangle them,
    may they fall into the pit, to their ruin.
⁹ Then my soul will rejoice in the Lord
    and delight in his salvation.

The Best Gift this Christmas

I've had many trying days, but last Monday was really the most difficult of all. My son Javie was confined at the hospital due to pneumonia. At the same time I had a stalker who continually did nothing but send text messages specifically to ruin our marriage. Sometimes I feel helpless and hopeless. That's why I nearly broke down when I read the daily devotional from Proverbs 31.org, titled The Hardest Days — God Uses Them for Good. I know God is trying to tell me something amidst this trial. More than material things, God wants to tell me that the greatest gift I will receive this Christmas is a strong family, a stronger marriage, and a stronger faith in God. I will be able to rejoice in this trial because I trust in Him completely. He will provide for the hospital. He will repair our marriage, and give renewed strength and hope for 2013. I claim that "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life - Psalm 23:6

I hold fast to you Lord, as per your promise.
Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

Random Acts of Kindness

I came across Krissy’s blog about the Charms of Christmas in Ayala Malls where you get a charm bracelet exclusively designed by Ana Rocha when you do the following kindness (see photo above)

That was nice, definitely to promote the love this season, but I just found it awkward and weird for you to get a charm bracelet when you get noticed for your random act of kindness. Wait, should I wait for someone first before I do this? I someone watching me yet? Uhm, it just looks superficial. But at least you get a charm bracelet. Haha.

Anyway this whole month of December my family and I are participating in a Christmas Bible Study Guide which you can find in Good morning girls website, and the ebook really is interesting. It contains daily devotions, Christmas recipes, and suggested Christmas readings and activities for you and your family to understand what Christmas is really about.

In Week 2 we are discussing about Love and Random Acts of Kindness. We have a Jesus jar, and we filled it with slips of paper with random acts of kindness that we have to do everyday. Just something simple, like praying for a friend in need, sending an encouraging text message to a friend, hugging someone or writing a thank you note. It has to be something that you really know will bring a smile to your friend’s face even though you won’t get something in return. Nobody will be watching you “act” in CCTV or you might not even get a response, but you still do it.

Matthew 6:1

Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

If you would like to download the Christmas guide ebook, you may download it in Goodmorning girls site as well.

12/12/12

Yesterday was 12/12/12 and since that day only comes once in a lifetime, I wanted to make it meaningful. 

We went to attend my son's school at Perpetual Help Las Piñas for their Christmas Carolfest and I was more excited about their Floating Sky Lanterns afterwards. Of course we had to show support for his dance and watch all the levels present their Christmas number, but it was so worth it since I have't seen a floating sky lantern event before. They turned off all the lights in the soccer field and lighted the lanterns and released one by one. Breathtaking. Of course *sigh* that makes me feel all romantic too (think Tangled).

Anyway I really needed that kind of release and liberation in my life right now. Seeing those lanterns fly away makes me think of my life's direction and purpose for the next year. How I want to forget all the negative thoughts I've had since what happened 2 years ago. I told my husband  I am ready to forgive, forget and move on. If God gives second chances, who am I not to? Why should I let this ruin the rest of my life or make me bitter?

I have so much plans for 2013. My own business, quitting my 9-5 job, renewing this blog, more time for family and people that matter. I can't do that with baggage or any resentment in me. So whoever you are, I forgive you. And myself, too, for being so hard on myself. I will let go and free myself. Just like the lantern flying away, I will keep that light shining in me so that I will fulfill the purpose God has for my life.