Spread the love - Part 2

Who wouldn't love a chocolate and strawberry flavored heart shaped donut this month? So I thought about buying myself some deliciously sinful donuts just because I have an excuse. But then I figured that I would really feel better about giving a Valentine gift to three of my lady friends who were in a difficult situation right now in their lives, and most likely wouldn't have be receiving any Valentine gift at all this year.

Let me call them my friends E, M, and D. My friend E, whose husband has passed away less than two years ago, had also experienced abuse and unfaithfulness by her husband when he was still living. I don't know sometimes if I would view it as a relief or some type of revenge for all the womanizing he did, but I wouldn't want any husband to die just because of that. But she she did teach me the lesson forgiveness, of sticking by your husband no matter what, and that everything will pass. Now I think she is actually happier with her life, raising her two kids peacefully and still joyful.

The other 2 friends, M and D, are currently separated from their husbands. D's husband left her a long time ago, but of course was bitter about it for some time and has only come to terms with him recently. M, on the other hand, I'm not sure how to really comfort since I'm not that close to her. She just changed her FB status to single last January and I was pretty shocked about that. She and her husband were godly people, people we looked up to in church, who were always the strong ones, who was so inseparable I just found it impossible to believe.

But my own experience in life taught me anything can happen. We may be obedient to God, we may serve in church and we may have a great marriage now, but nothing is permanent in this world, including marriage. So I just pray everyday that God lead us away from temptation, I pray that I would always work on having the best marriage and that I wouldn't ever experience such heartbreak again. I know that I cannot be secure in someone's love even if they claim faithfulness forever and ever. Only God never changes.

So this Valentines, I have spread the love to 3 women that I hoped would feel a little more loved not just this time of year, but no matter what season in life they are. Even if their husbands should go back to them, it shouldn't change who they are, and shouldn't make them less of a person without them. As for me, my job is to encourage them and to comfort them as a friend, not to pass on judgment or spread gossip, and I know the Lord taught me a lesson about marriage so I can also share it with others.

Why God Doesn't Listen

Malachi 2:13-16

New International Version (NIV)

¹³ Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. ¹⁴ You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

We studied this in our Bible study today, about how marriage is a covenant between God and the husband and wife. If we break our vows with our spouse, we directly break our covenant with God as well. But you can be sure that the spouse who broke faith will not be heard by God. He may "flood the Lord's altar with tears" but his cries will be unheeded.

I always wondered how God will take revenge on wives who have been left or hurt by their spouses. Would we always be silent and meek? Would we never have justice? I think this is one way God will have His revenge: 

John 7:34

English Standard Version (ESV)

³⁴ You will seek me and you will not find me. Where I am you cannot come.”

I am thankful my husband came with me to this Bible study, and I think this has only been the second Bible study we had every gone to together. I pray that we continue to seek God and be hungry for His word. I am as accountable to my own walk with God as he is. Please keep my husband in your hands and always keep our marriage strong and founded in You.

And did I mention my husband offered to clean the house tomorrow? He really is such a sweetheart.  

Valentine Challenge

I guess I won't have to wait til I receive the Love Dare book to start a Valentine Challenge! Thanks to Courtney of Womenlivingwell to start this campaign as early as now. What a way to start the year! Week 1 starts Monday next week already, so stay posted. 

An Affair was the Best Thing that Happened to me

I saw the book entitled above at Amazon.com and I can't help but wonder, maybe there's some truth to that, but the best thing that ever happened?? I sometimes think she may have lost her mind.

I already shared My story last month here in my blog, maybe a bit hesitantly. But I won't regret sharing that my husband's affair had been a part of my life, something that made me stronger, that made this marriage what it is now. Thank you, You-know-who-you-are, because of your "concern" for us, that we truly realize that we need to work harder to make this marriage work. As the song by Lifehouse goes, "I'll keep us together, whatever it takes."

Today my husband told my father he was sorry. And of course he told me many, many times how sorry he was for not thinking. He was stupid to have befriended a girl at the office like that. He never thought the girl would think of it as something more, but she was still pining for him after 2 very long years. More like stalking.

But it's all good. All three of us had a good talk today, so we're on the way to having closer ties with my side of the family, and we're committing to have a sort of Bible study/marriage counseling every Tuesday. Like I told my hubby, Failure is not an option. We will keep working on it. We will keep praying to keep the enemy at bay, to resist temptation and to keep reading his Word. Thank you, Lord for seeing my plight and having mercy on me. You made this happen so that your name will be glorified above all.

But please, do yourself a favor and get out of our lives and have your own.

What I Choose

Love the quote above from tolovehonorandvaccuum.

Also shared these with hubby yesterday and he agreed that:

• We will never mention divorce.

• We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

• We will never fight in public or in front of our children.

• We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.

• We will never touch one another in a harmful way.

• We will never go to bed angry with one another.

• Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

It may be hard, but everyday I will do what it takes to be a wife after God's own heart.

Saving A Dead Marriage

Should you still save your marriage? 

There are many countless reasons wives think it's not worth staying in the marriage anymore. Infidelity is one big reason. Others may cite unmet needs, husband works too much, he treats me like a househelp help, we have no respect for each other. Of course those are valid concerns. 

But the turning point is, would you still decide to try to save what seems to be a lifeless and broken marriage and say this is worth one more chance? Is it worth it?  

Honestly I've been in that situation, where it's just easier to rid yourself of all responsibility and throw in the towel. After all, he doesn't change. He doesn't seem to be sorry for what he's done. He doesn't put in as uch work on this relationship as I do. Why should I be a martyr and carry all the work in this marriage?

If you have watched Fireproof, a movie that portrays a husband trying to win the heart of his wife again after she intends to file for divorce, you know the message I'm trying to get across. The movie may sound cheesy to some, and maybe naive in some parts. But the point is this: That the marriage is a perfect symbol of God's love for us at the cross. We try to spurn his efforts and we reject him.But he chases us unceasingly. He loves us that much.

We were dead and hopeless ourselves. As sinners, we were sentenced to a life apart from God, and to be punished for our sins. What if God gave up on his 16th attempt to win us over and says, No, you've done enough wrong. You're a lost cause. Then where would we be? But thankfully, that will never be the case. God pursues us all the time, he looks past what we were and stakes his life on what we can become.

The same thing goes with my husband. I feel so humbled that God is gracious with me and my past, that I can't help but forgive, and forgive and forgive again. Who are we to say that we cannot forgive our spouses? If I would have to work on my marriage for 39 years for us to have a better marriage, I would do it without regret. Because that is the kind of love God wants me to have - without conditions. Nothing like, "If you do this, then I will change. If you're like that then I'll be like this." I married this man for life, and I will honor God with my promise until I face Him again one day, and I hope I hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Romans 6:11

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:1

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins.

Colossians 2:13

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins.

A Wife After God's Own Heart

I was supposed to pick up a different book by Darlene Sala today but it was not in stock, but this one caught my eye immediately. A Wife After God's Own Heart (12 Things that Really Matter in Marriage) by Elizabeth George was like an answer to prayer that I badly needed at this time.

So I thought I would make a review for each chapter and to share my own experience in applying the principles I learn from it.

Chapter 1 : Growing in the Lord

Matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

This is the key verse for this chapter in which the author shared that we have to put first things first. When we seek God first in our lives, everything else falls into place. Ouch for me, I needed to hear that.


So how do we know that we are growing in our faith and we are seeking his kingdom and righteousness? 

The author outlines 3 steps:

1 - Discover through reading the Bible what God wants us to do and how he wants us to lead our lives.
2 - Discern the meaning and implications of what you are reading in His Word
3 - Do what you have learned, discovered and discerned

And the best thing about it is that the end result is "a gentle and quiet spirit" and we will be able to bring honor to God through our lives.


I was excited about the part where it says it will also change your relationship with your husband. I almost laughed when I read "He will be more relaxed...instead of waiting for the next blow-up or attack." I definitely need more patience and grace in this relationship. I feel sometimes that there's a time bomb just waiting to explode sometimes. I don't handle outbursts quite well, unfortunately. when I feel something so strongly I HAD to say it. So, let's see how that changes for me.

What I love about this book is at the end of each chapter are "little things" that you can do to apply what you've learned. 

"Little Things"

• Plan to read the Bible everyday. Even a chapter a day would do. Sigh, I even have a reading plan on my ipod but unfortunately I wasn't so consistent with that. But this seems more attainable. 
• Pray for your husband 3x a day. Just like eating and brushing your teeth, it has to be part of your habit. I can't wait already. 
• Plan to go to church this week. Well, of course I go to church every week. A while ago one of my close friends asked if we could actually go with her to church at VCF in Festival Alabang since she felt it would help if she went with friends. I've only been there once since we actually go to Church of God in Imus or Las Piñas, but I feel this is a good move to go with my girlfriends, since I couldn't persuade my husband most of the time to go with me.
• Sign up for a Bible class or Bible study. That should be available in the VCF activities, I'm sure. We'll check it out once we go there.
• Purchase or borrow a Christian book on any topic. I have a loooong wish list already of books I wanna buy in Amazon. You can take a look here at my Amazon wishlist.
• Write a letter of commitment to God. Make a decision to grow into the woman or wife God wants you to be - and that is a woman after God's own heart. Though asking for a great marriage may be farfetched right now, I am determined to make that step closer to God. 

My letter of commitment:

I commit to start the year right with You, and to do things right starting with myself. I know it's not my marriage You want to change, but myself. You want me to go back to my first love, to the fire I once had as a youth. I am determined to read Your Word everyday and start praying more than worrying. Change me and give me a new heart, and I will choose to live each day for You. 

My Life Verse

Contrary to what I said to my previous post, I will not let my Dear John go. Hay....That's what makes marriage so hard. One minute you're so sure of what you think you want, but you find out you can still hang in there for another chance. Anyway one of the things I really want to change next year is my outlook. I can't always doubt my husband or be suspicious all the time. I'm tired of being in detective mode, anyway. So instead of worrying about him, I will focus on how I can be a better wife and meditate on my new life verse:

Philippians 4:6-9

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

So no matter what circumstance I'm in, I'm not going to worry. No matter who my enemy is, I won't take revenge. I will focus on whatever is going to have a positive result. Later I'm going to have to make concrete plans on how I can be a better wife and person overall. Being thankful instead of bitter also helps to change my thinking. 

One thing's for sure, though. I won't give up that easily on this marriage.