A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 3

I've been taking my time before proceeding writing about the next chapter because I really want to digest the first 2 things that really matter in marriage: Your heart with God and your communication with your spouse. So I focused on applying at least 2 small things from each chapter, that is to read at least a chapter of my Bible everyday, and to pray for my husband going to work, at lunch, and on the way home. It was a struggle at first because I was used to worrying, but I quickly learned to transition to lift my thoughts and concerns to the Lord. And yesterday going home I felt a sort of peace. I just felt really calm and serene, something I haven't experienced in a while. 

And of course I also practiced keeping my mouth shut, speaking graciously and appreciating things he does, like cooking for us again yesterday. It really didn't much effort to show respect for your husband, but it took a lot of effort to really be quiet and listen to him first before I tell him about my day. But slowly, I see some small changes. Positive reactions. So, I'm going to keep this up.

Chapter 3: Learning to Communicate

As a wife, our words should be ...sweet...soft....suitable...scant....slow.

I don't want to sound like a constant dripping of water at home, which is the result of a contentious wife.

So I looked up Merriam to see what contentious means:

: likely to cause disagreement or argument 

: exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and dispute.

Uh oh. Seems like a major overhaul is in order. So I would be practicing the art of silence. Since it says in

Proverbs 10:19 Sin is not ended by multiplying words but the prudent hold their tongues.

It seems so sad that I'm a speech communication major but I fail so drastically in communicating with my spouse. They certainly teach you what to say in schools, but not what NOT to say. 

The author suggested to Take it to the Lord in prayer like what Hannah did. No matter what I'm bitterness or trials I am going through, I want God to know everything. Actually, that's why David is also called A Man after God's own heart, because he was also so close and personal with the Lord that he bared all his emotions to God. 

The second suggestion is to Make a decision to "cut it out". Cut out the wrong, unproductive, destructive and negative thoughts and replace with noble ones. This is so in line with my new life verse. So whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

This new year, a lot of people may have vowed to make changes and resolutions. What is reality is that change doesn't happen when the clock strikes 12, it doesn't happen to you. It happens over a long period of time, of deciding to adjust and readjust, commit and recommit. I admit I myself find it hard to stick to something. I'm a fan of starting out strong but fail to see it through. I hope with the positive effects I am seeing with the relationship with my husband I can be inspired to continue and inspire others as well. 

I hope I get to review one book about marriage as well each month this year, along with my other goals for 2013. And with that I pray that my blog would light a hope for women who want to save their marriage, or who thought it was already dead. I thought mine was, but in between the ups and down and going through this journey is actually worth saving.

 

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Review of A Wife After God's Own Heart: Working as A Team

Ecclesiastes 4:9 

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor

This chapter goes back to the basics of marriage. What does the Bible say about marriage and the roles of a husband and wife?

The author highlights these verses:

1. The husband is to lead in his marriage and family.
Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

2. A husband is to work and to provide for his family
Genesis 3:19
By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.

3 A husband is to love his wife.
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Ephesians 5:28
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
4. A wife is to help her husband.
Genesis 2:18
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
5. A wife is to submit to her husband.
Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

6. A wife is to respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

7. A wife is to love her husband.
Titus 2:4
Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.

Here are my takeaways for this chapter:

...These wives may assume a "when...then" attitude. In their hearts, they say, "When he does this or that, then I'll do this or that." They postpone obedience to their roles as wives and make it conditional to that of their husbands'.

W - warm up his life with your love

I - improve his life as a helper

F - follow his leadership with a willing heart

E - esteem him highly with utmost respect

Out of the four areas, I think I should work on building and earning respect from my husband. Recently I've failed in this area when invading his privacy or doubting his love for me.Sometimes I decide on things regarding our son without consulting him first. No matter what the excuse, I should let him lead me and work together as a team. Also, when he acts disrespectful or harsh to me, I feel like acting the same way as well. I can clearly control my reaction even though it's soooo hard. Instead of thinking of his negative traits, I should look and appreciate his good ones.

What if I'm married to a man who is not a Christian?

Your assignment from God is to love, follow, assist, and minister to your non-Christian husband while living in a Christlike manner before his eyes.

Little Things:

1. Thank your husband for living out his roles.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. And he's actually the one who will do the cooking for us since I have to go to work early on New Year's Eve. (Sigh) Can't help it in the call center industry. But I really want to show him how thankful I am for his willingness to cook, even though that should be a wife's job! I mean, he knows I can't cook anything more grand than spaghetti and macaroni, but small tokens like that really makes me melt.

2. Ask your husband how you can help.

Of course, I won't just stand by without offering my help, and not just on this occasion. As a working wife, it really is a challenge to even offer your time and energy when you're so swamped with everything else already - house chores, my son's studies, church, groceries. But I have to make sure I don't neglect my priority, which is to honor and help my husband.

3. Show greater respect for your husband. Amen.That's number one on my agenda this year. That includes consulting him with every decision, big or small. And resisting the urge to even look at his stuff. And just shutting my mouth even when he says hurtful things.

I love the tips this Christian blogger gave on how to respect your husband. See article here.

4. Think of a way the two of you can have fun this week. I make sure we have a date every day on his rest day. So that one's set for this coming Wednesday.

5. Pray to follow God's plan for a wife.

6. Seek out another woman as a mentor.

I'm glad I have many Christian friends I can go to as a mentor. They were there for me during the difficult times during the crisis on our marriage (see My Story). But the important thing is, they don't judge, criticize you or tell you to give up on their marriage. These days the popular advice is to give up when you're no longer happy, when it's not working anymore, or when you just can't take it anymore. I wonder how many marriages would last with that thinking.

So anyway, I should drop by one their houses soon, so I can greet them a Happy New Year as well.

So far, I'm happy I picked up this book. I see it as a divine intervention and gift from God. I'm excited to see God's work in the upcoming year!

A Wife After God's Own Heart

I was supposed to pick up a different book by Darlene Sala today but it was not in stock, but this one caught my eye immediately. A Wife After God's Own Heart (12 Things that Really Matter in Marriage) by Elizabeth George was like an answer to prayer that I badly needed at this time.

So I thought I would make a review for each chapter and to share my own experience in applying the principles I learn from it.

Chapter 1 : Growing in the Lord

Matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

This is the key verse for this chapter in which the author shared that we have to put first things first. When we seek God first in our lives, everything else falls into place. Ouch for me, I needed to hear that.


So how do we know that we are growing in our faith and we are seeking his kingdom and righteousness? 

The author outlines 3 steps:

1 - Discover through reading the Bible what God wants us to do and how he wants us to lead our lives.
2 - Discern the meaning and implications of what you are reading in His Word
3 - Do what you have learned, discovered and discerned

And the best thing about it is that the end result is "a gentle and quiet spirit" and we will be able to bring honor to God through our lives.


I was excited about the part where it says it will also change your relationship with your husband. I almost laughed when I read "He will be more relaxed...instead of waiting for the next blow-up or attack." I definitely need more patience and grace in this relationship. I feel sometimes that there's a time bomb just waiting to explode sometimes. I don't handle outbursts quite well, unfortunately. when I feel something so strongly I HAD to say it. So, let's see how that changes for me.

What I love about this book is at the end of each chapter are "little things" that you can do to apply what you've learned. 

"Little Things"

• Plan to read the Bible everyday. Even a chapter a day would do. Sigh, I even have a reading plan on my ipod but unfortunately I wasn't so consistent with that. But this seems more attainable. 
• Pray for your husband 3x a day. Just like eating and brushing your teeth, it has to be part of your habit. I can't wait already. 
• Plan to go to church this week. Well, of course I go to church every week. A while ago one of my close friends asked if we could actually go with her to church at VCF in Festival Alabang since she felt it would help if she went with friends. I've only been there once since we actually go to Church of God in Imus or Las Piñas, but I feel this is a good move to go with my girlfriends, since I couldn't persuade my husband most of the time to go with me.
• Sign up for a Bible class or Bible study. That should be available in the VCF activities, I'm sure. We'll check it out once we go there.
• Purchase or borrow a Christian book on any topic. I have a loooong wish list already of books I wanna buy in Amazon. You can take a look here at my Amazon wishlist.
• Write a letter of commitment to God. Make a decision to grow into the woman or wife God wants you to be - and that is a woman after God's own heart. Though asking for a great marriage may be farfetched right now, I am determined to make that step closer to God. 

My letter of commitment:

I commit to start the year right with You, and to do things right starting with myself. I know it's not my marriage You want to change, but myself. You want me to go back to my first love, to the fire I once had as a youth. I am determined to read Your Word everyday and start praying more than worrying. Change me and give me a new heart, and I will choose to live each day for You. 

Devotions | Proverbs 31 Ministries

Devotions | Proverbs 31 Ministries

I'd like to share this devotion since I was encouraged just when I needed it most. I couldn't agree more with the author that it's easier to choose the path that seems most convenient at the moment. It's harder to work through the kinks and sit down and really figure out the problem. 

Enjoy reading!

My Life Verse

Contrary to what I said to my previous post, I will not let my Dear John go. Hay....That's what makes marriage so hard. One minute you're so sure of what you think you want, but you find out you can still hang in there for another chance. Anyway one of the things I really want to change next year is my outlook. I can't always doubt my husband or be suspicious all the time. I'm tired of being in detective mode, anyway. So instead of worrying about him, I will focus on how I can be a better wife and meditate on my new life verse:

Philippians 4:6-9

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

So no matter what circumstance I'm in, I'm not going to worry. No matter who my enemy is, I won't take revenge. I will focus on whatever is going to have a positive result. Later I'm going to have to make concrete plans on how I can be a better wife and person overall. Being thankful instead of bitter also helps to change my thinking. 

One thing's for sure, though. I won't give up that easily on this marriage.

Dear John Quotes

A friend gifted me a Nicholas Sparks book for Christmas, and being the sappy, mushy person I am, ate it all up. Be warned, though, this does not have a happy ending. It's more darn realistic than any Fifty Shades book (more on that on another post). 

So for those who love Nicholas Sparks books, this is a must read and wasn't bad compared to the movie too. It helped that Channing Tatum was in it, yeah.

Here are some quotes I love:

“I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” 

“You're a hero and a gentleman, you're kind and honest, but more than that, you're the first man I ever truly loved. And no matter what the future brings, you always will be, and I know that my life is better for it.”

“When I think of you and me and what we shared, I know it would be easy for others to dismiss our time together as simply a by-product of the days and nights we spent by the sea, a "fling" that, in the long run, would mean absolutely nothing. Thats why I don't tell people about us. They wouldn't understand, and I don't feel the need to explain, simply becasue I know in my heart how real it was... how real this is. When I think of you I cant help smiling, knowing that you've completed me somehow. I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that you'll take me in your arms again."

“Love should bring joy, it should grant a person peace, but here and not, it was bringing only pain.” 

To my dear John, I need to make this painful choice because I think I need to heal by myself. The last line speaks for itself. I need time to think, to discover me again, and just be free. With time and distance, I will forget the bad memories. But when we meet again I hope we have a better chance of working things out.

Broken

Broken. Damaged. Healing.




Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.


Lord Jesus, I love you, thank you for bearing my burden on the cross. I ask that you take these inner hurts, painful memories, and emotional wounds from me right now. I submit them to you, and accept your peace in place of those things which I am giving up.