What I Choose

Love the quote above from tolovehonorandvaccuum.

Also shared these with hubby yesterday and he agreed that:

• We will never mention divorce.

• We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

• We will never fight in public or in front of our children.

• We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.

• We will never touch one another in a harmful way.

• We will never go to bed angry with one another.

• Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

It may be hard, but everyday I will do what it takes to be a wife after God's own heart.

Living well is the best revenge

- George Herbert

Psalm 40: 14-16

¹⁴ May all who want to take my life
    be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
    be turned back in disgrace.
¹⁵ May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
    be appalled at their own shame.
¹⁶ But may all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
    “The Lord is great!”

PS. Thank you for the trials because it did nothing but strengthen our marriage. You use the worse for good.

Stalker Strikes Again

Remember my post when last Dec 17 I received an SMS from a depraved stalker who doesn't seem to have anything else to do except to ruin my relationship with my husband? And it couldn't have come at a better timing --my son was hospitalized that day, stresses were at an all-time high, and I couldn't think straight. But all that has been solved by simply changing my number and forgetting it as a horrible nightmare. We avoid her at all costs and call her She-Who-Shall-not-Be-Named, and we  thought she would get tired soon.

And now, it seems she is enraged to have discovered that my hubby and I are stronger than ever. She seems to have found out I have deactivated my facebook account. Today she sent me an email with pictures of hubby's team building where she even cc'd my dad. I have to commend her on her research, she knows her stuff. But dear, it's not even funny now. So I guess if you really are serious about ruining my life, you have to try harder. Because you know what? I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU. My husband is transparent with me, tells me everything, and most importantly, loves me and my son. I would forgive you if you were sorry, but just keep on reading my blog and maybe you can learn a thing or two about my faith. You can break me, but not my faith in God, and hell not this marriage.

Happy to know I have a fan in this blog, though.

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 6

This is about "Keeping up the Home"

Ahhhh... now here's a topic I really wanted to get more out of. This is more of the Proverbs 31 wife, which describes how a wife should be. Of course, everyone knows that a wife should look over and take care of the way things are run at home, but as a working wife, I do find myself falling short on this department. I wanted to skip to Chapter 9 hehe which is for the working women out there. But of course my heart and my priorities will always be on how to make my home clean and inviting and always filled with love.

I wanted to emphasize the part where the authors describes what a wife should not be. In Proverbs 7:11-12 it says the adulteress is always "out there," walking the streets, instead of being at home. This brings to mind various thoughts. 

Now I got married at 20, at the brink of youth, and didn't even get to experience much travelling, work, and haven't been to any of those bars or what have you. As a young mom, sometimes I was envious of those who were able to go out with their friends and go out for a drink. Most single moms working in call centers act like having a kid did not even affect the way they live. They still go on parties, team buildings, outings and other events. That isn't to say it's wrong to go out with friends, but now I understand why my heart is always heavy when I have to be away from my kid, and that is because I know I should be at home. I should be productive at home, managing it, improving it, making it nice and presentable.

Other wives, on the other hand, also have the supermom syndrome (which I think I have), where they try to do everything at once and please everyone in the family. I work, I do the errands and supervise my son's school and still have to tend to stuff at home. Sigh, just writing about it makes me tired. However, we don't have to be the perfect housewife. I think simply being there there for your son is more important, although a little help on the organization department is desperately needed.

(And by the way, I added Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae in my Amazon wish list since this seems like the perfect book for this topic right now. A breather? Oh definitely a must buy. Thanks to Courtney for suggesting and featuring this book in her site, Women Living Well.)

With that, we as mothers and wives shouldn't have excuses like being too tired, or that we're a working mom -- it's still important to keep the house a home.

Here's the little things that I already love to do:

1. Make the beds daily. But of course!
2. Make a daily to-do list. 
3. Make a weekly meal menu.
4. Do one thing you've been putting off. Hmmmm...
5. Keep a daily log of time spent on your housework.
6. Work on your attitude (heartily and willingly) 
7. Work on growing.

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 5

This chapter is about Managing Your Money. Ahhh.. now that's I can say is something more of my forte. My husband entrusts the budget wholly to me, and I spend and allot it as I see fit. I do consult him on it of course, but the execution part would all be me.

Generally, I don't have any problem in this department, as I am the type who is enthusiastic about budgets, lists and anything to do with money, but I do know I have to work on the tithing and savings part.

And my husband do have a lot to say on the savings part since I keep telling him we can save 40% of our income each month, and realistically I haven't started on that. I always find a way to spend it somewhere like credit card bills or medicine or emergency expenses. But there should be no excuse not to start our savings account the first quarter of this year, and we plan to open a UITF account so we can't touch it.

And tithing, of course, is something I also need to master the art of, since it has been a challenge to me since Day one. It would be best if I would prioritize tithing at the top of my budget list, savings second, so I can just work with what's left. Anyway, what's important is to be content with what you have.


Malachi 3:10

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.


The little things I can work on are:
1. Honor your husband's direction. Check!
2. Create a budget. Check!
3. Help out with managing the finances. Check! Check check check!
4. Set up a financial center. Check!
5. Give to God's purposes. To do
6. Keep a list of the things you want or need. Check!
7. Set up a savings plan. To do

I'd just like to share, that over the weekend my husband was in a motorcycle accident with a biker. So we headed over to the hospital emergency and wasn't able to go to church as planned. But of course I'm soooooo grateful and thankful that he just got a few bruises and some shoulder pain (but no broken bones, as per the xray). Although I have been so tired over the weekend, I didn't feel distressed or worried at all, and my relationship with my husband is in the improving side. Thank God for the trials and blessings, and I have more reasons to be thankful for this year. 

A Wife After God's Own Heart: Chapter 4

Chapter 4 : Enjoying Intimacy

I usually don't have much problems in this area, so I won't delve into it much deeply. And I wish the book also tackled issues at length, but with only 219 pages it leaves much to be discussed. So I plan to buy one marriage book a month and review it here in my blog. 

Anyways, in the Philippines, sex is not usually something couples talk about in groups except in the locker room or in green jokes. Our marriage was even a result of unexpected pregnancy, but God had honored our vows and kept us together til now. So I guess the challenge here is:

1. Schedule sex. We both work in an almost graveyard shift (think 2am) so it's quite difficult to have enough sleep, time and energy to work it out on our schedule. Of course it's been neglected lately, but it's something I think we should prioritize this year.
2. Talk about sex with your husband. 
3. Take time to prepare for sex.
4. Try to go to bed at the same time.
5. Tackle the excuse of being too tired.
6. Take care of yourself.
7. Take a short trip together.

All "little things" from 1 to 6 more or less goes together, and a little talk and scheduling  will be in order pretty soon. I hope to push through with our Retrouvaille session at the end of this month, which is for troubled marriages. 

But so far, so good. Yesterday when my husband went home I prepared a meal (even though I just got home myself) and let him tell me about his day. I'm glad he vented out to me about his work problems. I feel he is slowly warming up and relaxed when he's with me. Any improvement is better than none, right? And I like myself myself better this way too. So here's to hoping this year is a little better for us wives as we try to discern how God wants us to be better at home.

Saving A Dead Marriage

Should you still save your marriage? 

There are many countless reasons wives think it's not worth staying in the marriage anymore. Infidelity is one big reason. Others may cite unmet needs, husband works too much, he treats me like a househelp help, we have no respect for each other. Of course those are valid concerns. 

But the turning point is, would you still decide to try to save what seems to be a lifeless and broken marriage and say this is worth one more chance? Is it worth it?  

Honestly I've been in that situation, where it's just easier to rid yourself of all responsibility and throw in the towel. After all, he doesn't change. He doesn't seem to be sorry for what he's done. He doesn't put in as uch work on this relationship as I do. Why should I be a martyr and carry all the work in this marriage?

If you have watched Fireproof, a movie that portrays a husband trying to win the heart of his wife again after she intends to file for divorce, you know the message I'm trying to get across. The movie may sound cheesy to some, and maybe naive in some parts. But the point is this: That the marriage is a perfect symbol of God's love for us at the cross. We try to spurn his efforts and we reject him.But he chases us unceasingly. He loves us that much.

We were dead and hopeless ourselves. As sinners, we were sentenced to a life apart from God, and to be punished for our sins. What if God gave up on his 16th attempt to win us over and says, No, you've done enough wrong. You're a lost cause. Then where would we be? But thankfully, that will never be the case. God pursues us all the time, he looks past what we were and stakes his life on what we can become.

The same thing goes with my husband. I feel so humbled that God is gracious with me and my past, that I can't help but forgive, and forgive and forgive again. Who are we to say that we cannot forgive our spouses? If I would have to work on my marriage for 39 years for us to have a better marriage, I would do it without regret. Because that is the kind of love God wants me to have - without conditions. Nothing like, "If you do this, then I will change. If you're like that then I'll be like this." I married this man for life, and I will honor God with my promise until I face Him again one day, and I hope I hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Romans 6:11

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:1

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins.

Colossians 2:13

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins.